Dark Poetry Prose Poetry August 26, 2004 Dark Poetic Prose

08-26-04 9:32pm thursday

it's like nothing ever mattered until after it was over. like raindrops don't count until everything is wet. on the rim of my thoughts it spins like a top. and all i keep doing is watching. waiting for it to drop.

i don't know if anything ever really happened except going to sleep and waking up again. the night would cough and i'd pat its back. the ngiht's always full of so much phlegm. and all i can do is sit and watch. while it expectorates. sit and watch as it chokes to death.

every once in a while you'll drag me back. back in time like we're still friends. like no time has passed since that first time we met. you cover me with egg. and i roll in the breadcrumbs of feelings that are comatose, but still dreaming of when.

and then morning comes sooner than i expected it would. and i wake up, but only sort of. little jigsaw pieces of the night before slowly find their connects. and all the things i didn't think i'd ever want to remember are reassembled again.

it's like nothing matters unless. unless it does some kind of damage. the rivver's useless until it spills over and causes a flood. the heart is dead until it splits in half and covers your life in love.

nothing ever mattered until it was over. those remnants so true. sweet memory gripping your throat. it doesn't matter that it was there until after it's gone. it only ever mattered because.

8-26-04 10:08pm thursday

once before i die. twice before i am born again. melt the shadows. boil the sunlight. a bright sojourn just before bed.

uncolored verbs. grey adjectives. hollow as the memories i retain of when.

meet me in yesterday. because tomorrow is gone. i'll meet you in yesterday and we'll make love once again.

how tight the darkness fits round my wrists. elevates the veins. makes them bold and crisp.

nothing and everything spool like balls of yarn. and we knit. knit our blankets even though there our knots in the stitches.

meet me inside of yesterday one last time. because tomorrow is locked up tight. just make love to me yesterday. make me love you one last time.

08-26-04 10:44pm

i wore it like. wore it like a fresh scab. i was just so glad to see that the wound was sealed. is there anything wrong with that?

it was hard. it really was. there were so many buttons to undo and fasten again. it wasn't easy at all to let myself become that person. but what choice did i have. bleed to death or be bandaged by you. it was wrong i guess. but looking back i'd never know it.

i've plenty to regret without this. i've plenty of roses that eventually ended up in the garbage. but none of it. not a single minute ever seemed to matter until i stopped trying to find it and instead wanted to hide from.

because there's never been any good reason to love anyone, but we do. there's never been a single good excuse for falling into, but then there was you.

with nothing i could ever hope to retain. nothing that would hold me down. i wanted to lose myself i guess, rather than being found.

i think i just forgot what it is to be a person. all full of all those needs and that fountain of expectations. and i don't know that it's better now because of that revisit. but i do know that it happened and i'm glad it did.

i might not ever mean anything to anyone other than this skin i'm in. these holes they fill up that are probably better left only. i may never know how it is. i don't think that i can. there are an awful lot of thunderstorms in the summer, but it's still so thirsty.

there are so many ways to think you have. but looking back, it's not that easy.