Dark Poetry Prose Poetry September 1, 2003 Dark Poetic Prose

9-01-03 monday 9:15pm brick NJ

wanting to. to say. to touch. to move you. my heart insists the right words just haven't come yet. that the perfect moment is still being concevived of somewhere in the distance.

it's jaded and mistrusting, but not enough to keep me from.

get used to everything. forced to. i'm always alone. with or without you. i'm always lonely. but you get used to. i'm not resilient. i'm just lazy and lingering. i'm not looking to change the situation. i don't believe it can be. just get used to. comfortable in my misery.

summer's gone. taken off on these hopeful hearts. summer's gone and left us cold again.

i can't feel anything except myself. the hollow within echoing like long hallways when all the doors are closed. every footstep exposing you. so alone.

9-01-03 monday 10:55pm brick NJ

edge of tomorrow begs for thoughts i cannot defend. days and then suddenly night again. like waking up after a long night of not enough alcohol and too much sex. restless flesh and empty head.

leave me here in the kingdom that i have built. ruler of nothing.

i'm thinking all too clearly, but still wanting isn't listening. i think that love for most is feeling so good at that moment. until it passes. the world is not comprised only of poets and those that actually understand it.

i'm just not that weak. to need anything that much. to take it just because. when i know it's really not.

thinking about us. all the elements are there, but there's something else that doesn't belong. that keeps throwing the balance off. thinking about you. knowing the danger. don't care about wrong. but i do care about consequence. even if i shouldn't. even if i wish that just once i didn't.

friends take so much time to become. and lovers are so easy. then love. it moves in like a tailwind from behind and pulls you faster than your wheels have ever spun. friends take years to be. and lovers so fucking easy. so sharp and clean like a perfect ride. then there's love. so eager to tempt. so bound to disappoint. such a waste when you know that it ends.

try to crack me open. you might make a few fractures. you may get some yolk. but i won't be broken.