Dark Poetry Prose Poetry September 10, 2003 Dark Poetic Prose

9-10-03 wednesday 9:45pm

where you go. forgotten. songs in repetition like friends you almost met. waivering between decisions as if you know which. waiting to die like it's on the list of things to do. waiting on death like you have an appointment with it.

but the doorbell doesn't chime. the end doesn't arrive. life persists. stubborn and without excuses. asking can i really be this. knowing i always have been.

feeble and exhausted. no restore points in life. in quiet moments it might make sense. but all in all it's just static. too many reasons not to give a shit. too many temptations i don't feel the need to resist.

if i'm wrong, i know it. no need to remind me of just how much. if i loved, i know. it listened. it cried the verses that no one ever sung. i tried to be, but i just wasn't. all that life hasn't got. i tried to be, but i'm not. all the lyrics the night offers to lonely hearts. they rolled from my fingers like they'd been there since before i even existed. i loved. more than once. i tried to be, but i wasn't. i died, but life still insisted. i tried to be, but i'm just not. like everything. like what we are. all we lost that we never had. i tried to be, but i wasn't able. like lying. like wishing you were a bit more noble. i tried to be, but i'm not. like remembering. like how you forgot.

9-10-03 wednesday 11:30pm brick NJ

my answer. my denial. wolf toothed and pigeon toed and cross-eyed. my song. my melody without a rhyme. sheep clothed and shoe fitted just right.

lose me. then lose yourself. use me. then claim the wealth. write it down like an investment. pretending that it's value will rise. collect your days like bad habits presuming that one day they will subside. recovery in the distance. and submission right here in your grasp. what's left to choose when. all the answers you've hunted and found have nothing for you now. all the rights that you have gathered do nothing to erase the wrongs befriended. you tried to be, but you couldn't. you made the effort, but it just wasn't. you asked. you took. you gave, but then you lost. again. big surpise. you tried to be, but it wouldn't. dwell on it or else forget. it's not really your choice, but it'll let you. if you could. you tried to be, but again it just wasn't meant. quit trying, just live. you tried to be, but it was no use. tried to be, but it just wasn't you.