Dark Poetry Prose Poetry September 22, 2003 Dark Poetic Prose

9-22-03 monday 9:27pm brick NJ

i don't feel nothing now. and it doesn't feel right. i can't feel myself breathing, though i know i must be.

the silence shatters. the shards cut me, but i can't feel myself bleeding.

i see the red waterfalls flowing from the openings in my skin, but they don't mean anything. i'm so indifferent.

life pauses for a moment and then bursts open ejaculating a million tiny seedlings. to impregnate me with living. and all the passion that goes with. but i am barren.

i don't feel nothing. and it feels like i should feel so much.

the silence returns. like pieces of a mirror broken miraculously coming back together again. in it i can see my reflection. see myself transparent. because there is nothing within.

warm hands on my thigh. sweet lips tasting mine. the darkness pushes us closer. the feeling digs in. and that's just when i realized what had happened.

now that it matters. now that i've admitted how much. i can't be that close to you without wishing that i wasn't. it began as an ascent. toward something better than. now that i've reached the summit, down is all that's left.

9-22-03 monday 11pm brick NJ

where we stand. shadows cast upon the very footsteps we've chosen. where we unite like moonbeams caught in an endless flight. the darkness our only guide. so sobering like stumbling. hitting the wall. or your face in a toilet because. it may or may not be enough to convince those cells they don't want. it may or may not be sufficient to neutralize the poison that is us.

where we crawl. like animals on all fours. lapping shallowing streams. thrist overhwhelming. take any kind of relief.

when i'm silent. so silent like that. myself so much more than. i think of you. all that i should have and didn't. all that i shouldn't and did. when i'm that much myself take comfort in knowing it won't last. i can't stand it.

i don't know where or how or why you came to love me. and i won't know when it isn't so. life just happens even if you don't understand why. love always threatens like a knife pointed at your throat. struggle and it slices you wide open. isn't that just what i should want. maybe then, but not this time.

what should i do. let you go. it's what i've always been pondering when you wonder why there's so much silence.

where we lay. in sheets hotter than. i miss it. that feeling of forgetting. so lost in the feeling. the moment. but these waves are not mine. i'm merely the sand it displaces as it crashed down and then pulls out again. you're no different from the ocean. pounding on and then again leaving this beach. you can't stay. we can only meet.