Dark Poetry Prose Poetry October 8, 2003 Dark Poetic Prose

10-08-03 wednesday 10:11pm brick NJ

i do. don't i. laughing dead tears as they cry. old friends cropping up in the graveyard my life has been. ghosts haunting again. i welcome them. i just don't know why. it seems like years. maybe it has been. or it could be just that we never really lived.

open windows listen as the moon befriends stars. against the backdrop of another dawn impending lives move on. always moving on as if that proves somehow that they did. as if not admitting the hurt somehow makes it less.

i know who we are now. why we became this. i know why all the days i've collected have amounted to. isn't it obvious. broken hearts are nothing really. they happen so very often. but broken lives are so much harder to mend. in their crutches they fumble. but i've never had one. in their crutches they hobble onward. but i'd rather walk on my cast. in everything i've ever loved there's always been a voice telling me i shouldn't. i never listened because. well, just because i didn't. in every person i've ever given the chance i never thought about how those wagers might bankrupt the table. though they always seem to.

take the void and build a momument to it. sit in silence while you search for the interaction sobriety does not illicit. what we are. whatever we could've been. it's long since traded those tokens for something more permanent. you want to find. now that something else has found me. you want to remember when, but only because i've almost forgotten. and then silence gives that chance to move in. to take just what you want, but neither of us can do it. cause it's too awkward. too old and too much a cliche. to say that we are friends makes it a little easier to bear. but in truth we've never been. it's just a matter of suffering. of enduring what life did not intend.

10-08-03 wed 10:17pm brick NJ

isn't it funny how just when you admit to it, that's just when it doesn't give a shit. isn't it strange how just when you want it, that's just when it decides that it doesn't.

why the moon pulls on the tide is something for scientists. not the likes of my kind. why the stars shine is something better left to the galileos. i don't know.

why hearts break is for poets to rhyme. but i don't know what to say. you'll be leaving soon. and i don't know what to do. you'll have to leave soon. and i can't find it in my heart to stop you.

10-08-03 wed 10:30pm brick NJ

there is no next product. three thousands and some to edit and then time to sleep again. take your meetings. praise your rifles. blame the xanax when my voice barks louder than.

i had to know you. as much as you would let. and you to see me. not naked like, but instead. not like these rhymes, but rather the words that have no partners.

we can laugh and talk of sex. live on the premise that it's just that. it suits me fine. cause the last thing i want to feel is more than. so why do you invoke it. why do you endeavour to complicate what could be so fucking easy.

leather and restraints. dirty talk and dirtier dreams. what could be wrong with that. hungry flesh and dirty minds not to question. just to take. not to ask. just to be. what they are. what desire breeds. no need for reasons. just existence. just skin and blood dancing to the rhythm of.

there is no next product. you don't know how glad i was to see that. but it's nothing really. just a day in the life of. just like gun club meeetings. discussiing and screaming to no good endings. like trying to clean up forests that are constantly dumped on. like asking people to be better than they are. like trying to change a world that is always changing us. it's a fait accompli.

i'll know you know if you'll let me. and i won't when you decide i've seen too much. i'll hate you when you talk your politics and i'll love when you haven't. it's all about reasons. that is, reasons no one has. reasons absent that everyone wants. moons that tug and suns that ask. when tranquilizer brains must wake up again. and habits have taken more of your life than you meant to give them. it's scary and it's all too real. like you. like me. like the sum of us. what we've become. all that we try not to want.

someday we won't, but until then, just don't make too much.