Dark Poetry Prose Poetry October 15, 2003 Dark Poetic Prose

10-15-03 10am wednesday brick NJ

cheating days.
nights betray.
foreign emotions
on the cusp of
life's malaise.

years ago
once colorful,
now just black
and white.

relationships
carved in marble
eroded into dust.

it's not caring anymore
and yet saddened by
how we once did so much.

10-15-03 wednesday 8:50pm brick NJ

a question mark embedded in your heart. that's what love becomes when you're unable to nuture her. she's so much like an infant. helpless and dependent upon what we give her. and yet by that same token she controls us. our desire to keep her alive and content.

i write too much that can't be understood. because the sentences are parts of myself that i can't communicate with. i write too much and i say too little. because i don't know how to. to open. to be vulnerable. it happens now and then, but not without confusion and consequence.

it takes so little effort to want that it hardly seems justified to request it. it take so much effort to admit to love that i always end up feeling like a victim.

10-15-03 wednesday 10:14pm brick NJ

it's just that i don't know. never have. always flirting with metaphor and innuendo. trading messages like stock exchanges. losing and gaining in every breath.

it's just that i don't think you know either. caoxing feelings like herding sheep. chaotic and yet so precise. that is if you know what you're doing.

i've never had any answers. only questions i could never ask. i've never fallen, just stumbled over what i plainly saw. that's all it is. waiting and listening like a sentence to be conjugated. all befuddled by its own existence.

it's only that tomorrow has always been a vice. and tonight how i maintain it. like lies you know are, but deny that fact. like feelings you can't embrace, but are sucked into nonetheless.

vacuums in your private universe that suck you in. tear you apart and leave your broken particles wandeinng space longer than you ever suspected life could make of it. condemend to be who you are. destined to need what you can't really have. oxygen and blood still persist. keeping this consciousnes, but you're wondering why they do. why they insist on reqestuing so much from yourself when they know you don't have it to give.

it's just that i do know. always have. just didn't want to admit. it's just that i'm weaker now than i've ever been. and i can feel so sharply how much you know this. it's just that as much as you attempt you, you can't find an us. because we're separate. like sunsrise and sunset. they will always have their connection, but together is something they can never really touch.