Dark Poetry Prose Poetry October 20, 2003 Dark Poetic Prose

10-20-03 monday 10:15am brick NJ

long drives that take you nowhere
mimicing my life,
darkness setting on the
edge of the water,
as it takes and hides
the pain people bring
to its shore;
moving with the moon
to take the tears
you bring to her
away from you.

10-20-03 monday 10:25am brick NJ

i may never have said it to anyone's face. maybe cuz i've always known no one could return the favor.

i think maybe once, a long time ago. but i'm not sure. i don't remember if i did. but she didn't love me either. not the same as i did her.

do you suppose that it's really true. can't love yourself - no one can love you? do you suppose that i'll never be. never know how it feels.

10-20-03 monday 10:48am brick NJ

words that aren't enough. now. here like this. a song still unsung. i almost believed you knew the chords. but it turns out just as we approached the stage to perform you called the whole thing off. all those times before seem like rehearsals now. we were close, but just as the curtain was drawn you left me there alone on the platform.

10-20-03 monday 11pm brick NJ

so the light filters in while you're looking in other directions. the moon makes its path arcoss the night sky to move the tide. to change the distance between.

i know just where this leads. i've been there before. i hate just how this feels. so close without a right to be.

in the soft light that timid loves emit all the world appears different. like dreams that didn't end when sleep did. pluck the petals and ask if. love me now or love me never. somehow i think that it has to be able to believe it's forever. that if it can't, then it may walk, but it will be crippled.

somewhere in my backward reasoning i know why i chose to give my heart to one that didn't belong to me. maybe just because freedom has never been a friend. maybe because all the right moments have always turned out wrong. i know. right from the start i did. in many ways i welcomed it. cuz forever was never what i would covet. it never is until you have it and suddenly realize just how much you want ot keep it.

but choices can't go back. can't change what they are once they're born. so i hold them. rock them like babies til they sleep again. cause i don't need to cry for what isn't, but they have every right to to be sad. since they trusted in me to choose for them and i've failed yet again. since they believed in my heart to do what was best for all involved. i meant to. maybe i have. isn't it all just these moments. isn't tormorrow and what ills it may bring just a part of life that can't be avoided.

there's nothing i can ever guarantee i can provide this life. this heart that craves. i do what i can. i love how it happens. it isn't always right, but it's always genuine and full of passion. if forever is what hearts always seek i feel sorry for them. since i know that forever is just a demon offering fruits from that forbidden tree.

if over is how it started, then beginning is how it ought to end. but then again, maybe it needn't at all. if we can be that strong. if there really is a true friendship.

it's what i do. always have since. take the love that isn't needn't any reshape into something lives can use. lovers become acquaintances. in truth i suppose that's what they've always been. and love, if it's ever been, learns to accept its own limitations. i could never love i think what wanted to. that is if anyone ever could. watching my life falling through the heavens like a dying star on its final descent. wondering who has wished upon. will those dream happen. will life know what to do when it has to make those harsher choices.