Dark Poetry Prose Poetry October 22, 2003 Dark Poetic Prose

10-22-03 wednesday 8:33pm brick NJ

call it what you will. call my bluff. that i could ever love enough not to hurt you.

call it off like a rained on picnic. abandon your checkered blankets. forget the wine. drag your drenched self back to the place where you belong. put your shoes by the fire to dry and submit yourself to the loss.

tell me when it's good. confess when it's not. now that those margins we've bent have snapped back i don't know where to stand.

is everything lost? is recovery not an option? did the fire gut the building or might there be anything left to save?

is this it? the end we kept insisting did not exist? are there choices? are we the moon or are we the tide? do we make the moves or do they make us?

can you mend? can you salvage? what have i done? not just wrong, but also stupid.

wherein love does it tell us what to do with these exceptions? wherein the heart is that switch to turn off feelings that ought not be tended? if only there was. if only that icing wasn't so sweet we'd never have been so tempted to eat the cake within.

again my love has failed me. broken instead of mended. again my heart has misfired. hit the wrong target.

i'm sorry. more sorry than i've ever been. i'm sorry. it fell on me to be a better friend and i didn't. it fell on me to love again and i took it for granted. i'm sorry. sorry as i've ever been.

10-22-03 wednesday 10:26pm brick NJ

so now you're left with. charred remains of what could have been. and i stand here both killer and victim. sobbing with guilt and wishing i i could recind those wound inflicted.

i love you and i will miss you. shame i couldn't love you enough not to put it all in danger. i always meant to but..

so now the stars refuse to shine. and the night is too long. making words that don't rhyme. causing instead not hearts to break, but lives. taking all that you've loved and showing you just how wrong.

i'd buy all back for you if it would let me. sacrifice all my gains for your safety. how much. how far. i would. if i could. i wish it was that easy. just to hand you a wad of and watch you saunter off that much happier than when you first met me.

i hope you find out how. i hope you can resolve. i'm so sorry that i'm the cause. i would've loved you better if i knew how. i honestly meant to. it just didn't work out.

i loved you then. i love you still. i just wish that i was strong enought to prove it when.

i loved you then. i love you now. i just wish that i could've found a way to love you less somehow.