Dark Poetry Prose Poetry October 24, 2004 Dark Poetic Prose

10-24-04 10:17pm sunday

thoughts adjourn to pathos as night instigates. there was a trial. was a jury and their verdict. only i chose not to listen then.

i need no one to give me a prison. i was born with one inside my head.

we build these lives link by link. minute by minute. living scales constantly weighing every acquaintance. appraising them.

linky by link. no one stronger than the weakest. all our lives we're conditioned to be weak, but asked to be strong. with fluffly stuffed animals and disproportionate fashion dolls.

all our lives we're groomed to be wives and mothers. ever since i was a child i wanted to believe we decide who we are. but i don't. i don't anymore.

10:55pm 10-24-04 sunday

just a page creased where the number lay. in tiny type. in digits that don't really pertain.

perhaps to the story as a whole. but nothing i can understand. nothing i can make sense of with the chapters that i have.

i always meant to be the good person. and i don't think that i have failed. i just got tired of waiting around to help them again.

there's plenty wrong with me. i've lots of errors to my credit. but i think my biggest mistake was caring what happened to them.

they're not just pages. not just entries in a journal i have kept. i wish they were, but i have many weaknesses.

there are creases. there are folds. there are certain chapters that recur much too often.

it's not like i didn't always know. it's just that i didn't want to submit. didn't want to submit to my life's circumstances.

i don't think i ever did. not until i had no other choice.

memory bathes in long bubble baths the heart contains. the dirt is removed. but it collects at the waters' edge. it's not gone. just displaced.

i never stopped caring. i just got tired of the wait.