Dark Poetry Prose Poetry October 31, 2003 Dark Poetic Prose

10-31-03 friday 8:45am brick NJ

you ask me what i want. i ask you back. i know why we can't answer. not because we simply don't know. but because we're human. because we'll never request anything we don't believe we'll get.

every once in a while you need a new drug. cause time and use weakens everything. that doesn't mean we won't go back to the old ones. of course we will. like trusted friends. just need a little taste of something new to cleanse your palette. but loyalty was never at issue. and highs are just moments randomly used. they are not commitments. they are not something we can keep.

10-31-03 friday 8pm brick NJ

is it cold or just not hot anymore. dreaming or remembering them. acapella lives straining to keep the harmony. point. counterpoint and then. what can i say except - nothing. all i ever have. the sum and total of me.

if the days are all wrong. too slow or too long. and the night so crisp and dry that every thought is friction. if apart multiplies exponentially. it's not by accident. there's always a reason.

if weekends try, but fail. and weeknights are as weak as the habits they provide. is it cold or just not hot anymore. is it dark or just not light. desperate songs attach themselves to my mood. draw on. they cry without tears. like i do. they scream quietly.

i wanted to die today. and also the day before. i had wanted to die tonight and many more. but lungs are stubborn and flesh is strong. they lied when they say it's weak. that's just the mind.

if all the minutes ramble on like Dickens. too lengthy. unneccessarily descriptive. if every night is just like this. is it life or just not dead yet.

10-31-03 friday 9:30pm brick NJ

last thoughts beating their wings against the aloneness. trying to fly on wind that's just too thin. i know now. know now that i always did. just takes so much time to come to terms. there are just too many ways to forget. so why not. why remember yourself when.

i said my goodbyes long before you could admit to yourself that's where we were headed. i know love. i know friends. and we were something altogether different. something unnamable. some stutter in the heart that is looking for a rhythm.

i missed you. missed everything i meant to keep. so like life to imagine that it can be all those dreams we seek.

if it must be this hard, then i'll just close my mouth and cope. if it must go this far, i'll not take the blame alone.

how many until. where in the heart does love still.

isn't it so stupid. so fucking navie. to place your bets on anything this life can bring.

am i wrong. don't you see it. that every word we give takes three of them. that every chance we take to be us is only killing the love. don't you see the corpse. didn't we together dig the grave. don't you know what we are. you could've killed me if i wasn't already dead. you might've ressurected. but i was buried too deep.

if i listen. really try. but the words just don't abide. if i listen, but then you stop talking. what am i to do. who am i to be when you're looking for a person that isn't me.

i let it go when the moment called for. now the threads that are left are so slender. i let you be. took your lies. just forgot. because you've got to deceive. you can't be being honest with the both of us. so i won't question. i won't press. paint me humble again. love really isn't enough. color me red again. the sirens weren't warning. the flames not hot enough. it's so cold here. what did you expect.

i missed it. that precious moment when trust gives birth to better things. i looked away and the eclipse happened. "total eclipse of the heart". no reasons left to stay. since they've alll be done. since you wanted, but not quite enough. since this occured much too late. since life made other plans than these hearts did. since it's so much easier just to sink down into. reality oblidges. time leaves no messages. just skin. just passion. just a random touch in the middle of a cancerous attraction.

i'd go if you want me to. just say so. i've hardly called so it wouldn't be hard not to call again. it's strange the dymanic that we've drawn. all i have to do is react. all i have to do is say yes. maybe i made it happen and then again maybe i didn't. maybe i was wrong. i guess i musta been. maybe i was just hanging round and the rings just kept on.

remember when. remember how. if it could ever be that way again apart from now. not likely. it's just a loss you'll have to forgive. a trend you're forced to go with. i will remember, but it won't be easy.

10-31-03 friday 10pm brick NJ

long ago and far away. like every word you've ever said. too little too late and then.

they may appaear closer. they may appear farther. but what does it matter when. they're all just killing time to reach that end.

i could haunt you. i could love you like a ghost. swimming through your moments like the crest of a wave. too high to stop. too deep to move.

10-31-03 friday 8:50am brick NJ

philosopher. theologian. succubus.
i don the different cloaks
as the situations warrant.

egotist. self-hater.
i've been both of these.
not so strange, but
i've been them both simultaneously.