Dark Poetry Prose Poetry November 7, 2003 Dark Poetic Prose

11-07-03 11:38pm brick NJ friday

pain inside your head. under your skin. like a needle full of poison. the kind that kills so slowly that you find yourself loving it. indistinguishable. like holding back tears during orgasm. the sounds so similar that you forget which feeling is dominating.

friends. never have been. may never be just. until we're nothing because we have to be.

pain inside. like giving birth to my own life. pushing through me. spreading me open. then plugging the hole. all you put in bursts out any other way it can. sounds. twitches. sobs restrained. sorrow cloaked in pleasure's shadows.

it hurts. in more ways than one. it aches inside. in every place that can feel i feel it so long after. like you're still within even after you've made your exit. like you never really leave. like how i keep saying that it's wrong. hearing, but not listening. bleeding and lapping at the wounds. sweet pain like life has begun again. it always seems to when you ask it. without even having to say. the moment moves in for the kill and i'm all too williing to be either. hunter or prey. i don't care which i am so long as the other is you.

just do me one favor. bury the carcass of my faith somewhere where morality's vultures won't make a meal of the remains. i hope you know i'm always trying. for you. for me. for all the reasons that i'm supposed to.

just don't make it regretable. that's all i ever wanted. everything ends. but not every ending has to be tragic. not all friends are lovers. not all lovers friends. and it makes me wonder if the two have ever met. or if we're just pretending. there are so many things a life can make happen. a million ways to skirt the borders life has drawn. there's wrong. there's right. and then there's every else that can't be categorized. is that us. or just what we want but aren't. there's genuine need and then there's lust. and in the midst of being wrecked it so hard to distinguish.

i can't say it. under or ontop. i open my eyes to see you. to gamble that small amount of trust and hope that you'll make my wager worth the risk. i look. i open my eyes in the midst of. between the pain and the pleasure i have to see your face down there or above me. and i wonder what you're thinking. just caught up in. or is there anything else to it. i can't so how can i expect. but someone ought to. and if neither of us can, maybe there's a reason. i need to hear it just once with a face there to back it up. if you can't, i haven't any protest except that i'm too scared. of admitting. of giving in to what will surely make me wish i hadn't.

if it's only love, it shouldn't be that hard. but if it's not, that's where all those impetuous decisions reveal how much they played us. if it's only love that shouldn't be too much to overcome. everyone knows it's insufficient. just a tired fantasy left over from adolescence. if it's only love then just say it. to my face. let me know it. just once before it's all gone again. if it's only love. no need to fear it. life is much stronger than. just give me that chance to believe it before it's no longer ours to have.