Dark Poetry Prose Poetry November 14, 2003 Dark Poetic Prose

11-14-03 friday 8pm

seducing frowns. my heart rubs against the pages to find the right friction. i listen to the nothing in my head and wonder what it isn't telling me.

they're all gone. like ashes to the wind. moons to eclipses.

and bitter is the night that tells you your future. so starkly. so dry and unpoetic. merely a technical manual on dying. alone i read. the tiny type. the colorless pages that lay in wait for me. i browse the future full of cold equations. all multiples of zero.

we struggle and suffer procuring these evasive moments. trying to fill the trillions of microscopic holes in ourselves. hopelessly trying to bandage an infinite number of wounds too small to even see. but you feel them. always. every breath echoes through their endless array of tunnels. feels so hollow. every breath howls through me like an angry wind. every moment of happiness i put into them eventually slips out again.

11-14-03 friday 8:37pm brick NJ

along the way it happens. birds fly. storms gather. and you were never waiting for. never expecting change at all. but it still happens. along the way. just when you've signed the last page. words begin breeding again. hope has sex with emptiness. and a new change is born again.

could i lose you and still live. of course i could. i'd have no choice. and i know that's the truth that beats in the heart of every love. eternal is something less than what we hope of it. and devotion has it's own agenda.

would i die. of course i would. but not enough to keep me dead. we spend every day dying over and over again. but never knowing when it will decide to keep us. most times, we're just born again. fetal and bloody and unaware of how it happened.

as i'm busy writing this night is conspiring to question my motives. who am i. how wrong or right. when if ever did trust sink its anchor. and at what location.

i can't ever say forever again. once was enough and then time showed its omniscience. that it can defeat anything we can covet. and everything that we always hoped that it wouldn't. forever and love have never met. not in this kingdom of flesh. and if i could transcend, i know just where and who i'd want to go with. but what does it matter when.

11-14-03 friday 10:15pm brick NJ

how lonely are you. how much can you bleed? where in your heart is the beginning and the end you never wanted to know.

how much do you need it. not me. just it as it seems to be. how desperate are we that these thieves can tempt us. that these false dieties we worshiip.

i'd like to believe it's more than. but it's yet to come to pass. i'd like to believe that love is something greater than. but i know it isn't. it's just what we want. how much we can use. i wanted so much to believe in the fantasy, but time has her wayys of convincing.

so i know that goodbye is irrrelevant. just another way we use to cry. but in truth, it never was. never will be. we haven't lost. we just could never be.

i know now just how life takes those things beautiful and turns them against themsselves. i know just how the moment pauses and forgets its purpose.

it doesn't matter if i loved. or if you did. stranger than the paths we cross are all the ways we find to wrong. stranger than the promises we're obligated to keep are all the reasons we still feel the need to. prisoners of something bigger than us. i don't know. i never have. i don't have an excuse. it was just a moment. all i've ever had. it was just a blink. some time to pass. let it kill you, but i never expected it would come alive. i let it killl me, but i never knew that it would want to live again. so what to do now that the end has preceeded the begin.