Dark Poetry Prose Poetry November 24, 2003 Dark Poetic Prose

11-24-03 monday 9:46pm brick

i held everything back. for you. like trying to tame lightning. like asking waves not to crash. i held it all back and still more came forward. i held so much back and still it wasn't enough.

so i can't hold on any longer. i can't pretend that friends is all we are.

alone is where i came from. and it is where i will return to. a hopeless love isn't much of a burden when that is the only sort you've ever known.

in truth, maybe i could learn to be your friend. just that. but i'm not sure i want to, even if i can. i think that it might be too hard to look at you and not. i'm not sure that i can be with you and stay strong. and even if you could be strong enough for the both of us, it might hurt even more than it already does.

i don't know. don't know at all. i talk to these walls. listen to these songs. and still there's only a question mark to fill my heart. it's not like the first time. the older i get the easier it is to just say goodbye. the more that the almosts accumulate the less i care to wonder what if.

i just wonder what would you do. how would you feel if i told you that i can't. how would i go on like that. and how much would it grieve if i had.

there's no telling how much i'd miss you. since i already do so much. but what have we to gain now that we've given it all away. all i can think is that you have so much to go back to and i don't want to stand in the way. all i can think is that i need you so much more than you could need me. and i don't want to be that temptation. i'd rather love you and be loved from a distance than be a mistake. i guess i'd rather watch it die than to have it cause you pain. i only wish that you felt the same. i only wonder why every person i give myself to takes, but that's it. they take and always say they mean to give, but i still have nothing. they say so many things, but i'm still waiting.