Dark Poetry Prose Poetry December 4, 2004 Dark Poetic Prose

12-04-04 9:54pm saturday

it's never easy to be yourself. i think it's harder with friends than it is with strangers.

knowing the day after you'll have to face them.

but i was myself for you then. and always. i guess i shouldn't have been.

to take off that mask and see your true reflection in their eyes. as they look upon. right through your clothes. right through your skin.

more than naked. open.

i've seldom been myself. with all the persons i've been with. like gauze on a lens. they see me, but distorted. softened.

it's not easy for anyone. to admit to anyone else this is who i am. to sit on their life's witness stand and be judged like that.

i thought it was impossible for me to be myself around anyone other than me. i never had. i thought i never could be.

it's not easy for anyone. i know this. but you asked me to and i conceded.

now i'm sorry that i did.

12-04-04 saturday 10:15pm

something so sharp. even as i try to put it away, it slices its sheath apart.

soemthing so old. preceding time.

i'm not eager enough to live. not crippled enough to die.

i was everything i meant to be to you. and much more i didn't want to.

in my heart it was an ocean. even if to the world it was only a puddle.

i didn't need your touch. didn't demand your devotion. i never asked for a single thing that you hadn't already offered.

didn't want your life. didn't want to take you away from. just was hoping the words you offered were true. that i woudn't be left behind.

but you left me there on that cold soil. left those seeds to die.

i never wanted anything from you that you hadn't offered. i never wanted anything in my life except not to feel this alone.

but you lied. you told me you'd be there.

didn't really believe you, but i hoped.

never really believed you, but i was still surprised how easily you let go.

12-04-04 sarueday 10:47pm

moving toward. the bombs bursting in your heart. like independence day.

wave your flag. not surrender. stars.

light me up. burning paper. memory hard. like concrete cured.

let it set. a foundation for.

it's strong, but not the strongest.

who i thought i was. who i wanted to be. leaning in. leaning in to feel. how it once did.

listening as. the war rages. the night takes captives.

whatever i can. or would. or might. what can it matter now. to this empty life.

healing me. if you only could. you were a thick bandage. you held a lot of blood.

i've not forgotten what you did. even if we are not to meet again.

i haven't forgotten when you were then. the tourniquet you provided.

and i understand why you left.