Dark Poetry Prose Poetry December 12, 2004 Dark Poetic Prose

12-12-04 10:25pm sunday

it must be hard to watch someone suffer. helpless to alter their life.

a person. an individual. isn't like a charity you can throw your money at and sleep better at night.

to paraphrase stalin. a million people suffering is a statistic. a single person is a tragedy.

i've no doubt your life is hard. is life not by definition the struggle of everyone to overcome the odds.

it's not the challenge we fight for. it's the rewards.

everyone's life is hard. for various reasons. everyone struggles.

the difference is if surviving those struggles is at all rewarding.

why do we bother. what is the reason.

will it be enough to carry us through the next challenge. or is it just obligation.

it must be hard to watch someone suffer. i know. i've seen. the only thing that makes it bearable is knowing eventually their suffering will be rewarded.

or if not, that it will end.

that must've been too much to accept.

i can understand how it might be. do you think it was easy for me. do you really think that's what i wanted.

12-12-04 10:41pm sunday

closing your eyes like switching off the light. let the darkness in.

close your heart. just like a bulb bursting. the remnants still too hot to replace.

live with the darkness you've created.

there will be light again. incandescent. and penetrating.

as cynical as i am. i still know all light lost finds it's way back if you keep waiting.

where it shines. how it does. that's not up to us. our choice is only to deny or partake.

i don't believe in much. but i do believe in change. that it happens of its own virtue. that it doesn't happen for us, but that we can benefit from.

i don't believe in people. or their good intentions. but i know that there's more to life than what others' hold for you.

not in this lifetime. probably not in any i'll ever know. but once it's over how can that matter. all i'm left with is what i've found in the ones i've encountered.

12-12-04 11pm sunday

was able to give every part of yourself except the one thing that would mean you'd actually given in.

were willing to give your skin. your future. your guilt. everything except your trust.

it's the single solitairy challenge i've never been able to overcome.

and i don't know how i can ever have claimed to love without it. only just that i believed in my love for them. not that i ever from them expected.

wanted, of course. but able to accept. not likely.

it's a two way street indeed. in how you receive it. and how you get run down by. it's a big gamble. and i've been many bad things, but gambling was never my vice.

i don't believe it could've been better. in the end it wasn't really my decision. i let you choose where and how it would end. i guess i didn't want the responsiblilty either way since i didn't really feel responsible to anyone.

i wasn't the one choosing. i was just the question.

i can't choose a side. was i right. was i wrong. it seems irrelevant.

all that matters is the outcome.

i couldn't trust. that was my downfall. but it wasn't just you. it's always been everyone.

i could give everything except the one thing that matters. i could give everything i can and still i can't ever give enough.