Dark Poetry Prose Poetry December 19, 2004 Dark Poetic Prose

12-19-04 sunday 2:23pm

how much shall i feel now?

fractal poets.
sneering verses.
mournful still, yet disconnected.

turning hearts like ferris wheels;
mammoth spectacles
forever stuck in that singular rotation.

they can spin or they can stop.
but they can never move.

12-19-04 sunday 10:06pm

poker faces. stern and strong. like statues people kneel to worship. stoney phantoms of the hope they've lost.

am i this old now. has it been that long.

don't wake me when it's over. if it ever is. just let me sleep. to continue dreaming worlds so unlike this world we live in.

don't give me chants. such human words. benign. no more meaningful than the reasons behind.

lay me like a bandage across your broken heart. and i will absorb all the blood. and keep the pressure on until the bleeding stops.

i will be your bandage. i will cover all your wounds. swallow all your pain.

and take it all away with me when you decide to rip that bandage off.

12-19-04 sunday 10:41pm

i woke up one morning being someone i'd never met. nothing more than someone else's strange infant abandoned on my doorstep.

i've been raising her ever since.

i woke up as i usually do, but everything changed when i opened the door.

the world out there came in. it changed me.

the world i'd always kept at bay invaded.

i guess for some people that happens everyday. they are always a part of it.

but i've never been. never wanted to. i haven't been invited. i've been occupied. imprisoned.

i just woke up one day and everything was different.

better. worse.

i still haven't decided.

12-19-04 10:52pm sunday

i guess i'm sick. because i never feel well. and everything is a symptom.

i must be ill. because it's hard to breathe. difficult to digest.

and everything hurts including happiness.

i think i took too long to learn. and failed the test. that if there was one i showed up long after class had been dismissed.

i think i couldn't judge. not enough. to discern friends from sex. and all those inches inbetween that i never counted.

it got all mixed up. just like the fever in my heart. so bright and hot. screaming for an immunity i could never effect.

i guess i failed myself. failed all of them. because i couldn't find it in my heart to love the life i'd been given. so how could i ever find it in myself to believe in their friendship.

i always thought time enough might prove different. only it never did.

there were never lies. only misgivings.

i always hoped time would find in me the strength i had not. i waited. waited so long. but the fever didn't stop.

i thought i could. i really wanted to. but i'm sick. my life and i have never gotten along. it's never been fooled by the placedoes i've given it. and i don't know what the real cure is.