Dark Poetry Prose Poetry December 20, 2004 Dark Poetic Prose

12-20-04 monday 9am

sometimes the words get stuck in my head. all the water around them drains out, but they still lay there. flopping like fishes caught on deck.

the words get stuck. the wound isn't healed, but the platelets take effect. just like blood, in time, they seal the holes i've made for them.

and i am forced to carve out new again.

12-20-04 9:07pm monday

could've said so many things i never did. all my life always occuring before my eyes like a tv muted.

lots of pictures. plenty of words to read. but always that pane of glass between myself and what's happening.

no sound. only music in my head. songs that cry out all the emotions i never could. always listening. listening loud to songs that wreak of all the emotions i've always kept silent.

just words on paper. not nearly sufficient. and letters on the screen that lay there like a graveyard for my feelings.

i can't say. can't say anything. hello. goodbye. nothing of what ought to go between.

12-20-04 monday 9:33pm

when it's cold outside, it always manages to seep in. no central heating. no modern technology can keep such old things out.

there are some aspects of life that science cannot appease. certain things about humanity knowledge can never overcome.

like when it's cold outside. how we feel it even if it's warm where we are. and how when it rains too much, no amount of conditioning can tame your frizzy hair.

there are simple things like that. and bigger ones. myriad of facets to life's stone. so much like a diamond. hard as. and from black coal it comes. something so rare and precious and clean. born of. soemthing so black and filthy.

just like us. time polishes. scrubs. wisdom refines. until we are as hard as we are transparent.

and then we're so proud of ourselves. as we sit there sparkling. so covetted.

but there's no changing then. so hard. unpenetrable. so solid that you hate yourself.

12-20-04 10:01pm monday

i tried writing to all of them. but the words never were enough. not for me. not for anyone.

i opened myself like a carton of milk. and waited to be poured. waited there on the counter as they let me go sour.

curdling. good becomng poison.

everything perishes if let out too long. love. family. friends.

everything perishes under the wrong conditions.

i tried. though i know my efforts weren't the best. words not sifficient. not to myself. not to them.

i took action, but i got it spit back. i took chances and i lost those bets. it's not something i couldn't afford to lose. but no one likes to go away empty handed.

i wish i could've been someone else. anyone besides myself. then i know, i'd have some chance at being happy. if not with them, then someone different.

i always wanted to be someone. anyone other than myself. some saw it and related. while others saw opportunity.

now that it's all over. now that the winnings have been spent. i don't care how much i lost. that was a nominal expense.

i only care what they gained. how they did.

will they hate me when i'm gone. will they laugh at my mistakes. or will they wonder why i purposely made them.