Dark Poetry Prose Poetry December 21, 2003 Dark Poetic Prose

12-21-03 8pm brick NJ sunday

empty. see right through me. no. empty, but opaque. frosted glass.

broken. hardly. i bend. i stretch. snap back again tighter than ever.

deaf. cuz i don't want to listen. mute. cuz i've nothing left to contribute to the conversation. fierce still. fierce enough to crawl back inside my cocoon. and not emerge again until. i've either become a beautiful butterfly or died trying.

close my eyes just not to cry. not again. no need for tears when it's already been drowned. the flood has happened. now just float. float like a corpse until i actually am.

fill the hollow. feel it encompass you. such a tender seduction. barely touched and all too willing to be taken. such an irresistable combination. tiny caverns that will hug you tight. like being born again. like coming back to life.

feed the emptiness with some of your own. push it inside and then watch it grow. no longer yours. now it's mine. and life contracts upon itself and it's vanished into the empty again.

crack the glass. scale the fence. try to catch the raindrops as they slip through your fingers. try to chase the lightning as it dances in your head. rumbling through your heart like an avalanche.

love. hate. that slender line that separates. love. lover. the quicksand between them. walk. run. swim. if you can. go home. go back. before you start sinking in.

12-21-03 9:35pm sunday brick NJ

writing because. because it's hard. ever since. always has been. blinking momentum. and then you've lived. waking up and there it is. eastern rise. blinding. erasing dreams as rapidly as they happened. grieving bottles protest their emptiness. that it's not their's, but yours. and they are correct. hollow bottles cry in fevered sweats. why do you cry. they know not. neither do i. just that i'm still here. still alive. and i'd rather not. every promise a lie. every love just a long goodbye. i need not question why. just know that they are. just shape the skin to fit the scars. covering as if that stops the bleeding beneath. it doesn't really matter if no one sees it.

love yourself. love them. i'll fall back and pretend that nothing else happened. love life for all it has to give. all i can do is envy how you do. and question those methods. love each breath as if it means you're happy when. all i can do is fall back and accept whatever you decide.

how i dig these graves and crawl into them. and all those friends that claimed only keep shoveling the dirt. all those moments that i thought were worth it lose thier way and leave me more lost than.

maybe never. that's what i'd presume. if i had to choose, i'd choose death. since he's the only lover you can truly trust. all the others will tell you what you want to hear. but what he is doesn't change. he may tease. he might make me wait, but i know that i love him more than any other. and he need not love me at all to make me happy. he need only touch me. make it real. even if i must wait. i know he will take me someday. of all the lovers a life can clutch. death is the only one you can actually trust.

of all the ways that time can covet. still it's time that teaches us to forget. what we wanted. what we thought we needed. how we imagined they must feel when. truth or lies is irrelevant.

just the end. the alone is all that remains. like waking up. the dream still unended. look for it again, but it has vanished. like here, now. hungry keys. eager fingers. taken in to the solace of numb heartbeats and empty breaths. i need not know why. i need not question. all i have to do is remember. remember that it always happens. every beginning only leads to an end. every friend only takes what they can. then i leave. it all falls silent. and they forget. they have that luxury, but i remember. remember all of it.