Dark Poetry Prose Poetry December 22, 2004 Dark Poetic Prose

9:22pm wednesday 12-22-04

tomorrow is a gaping hole in my chest. music you can't hear, but you feel the vibrations under your skin.

caving in on yourself. nothing under it to keep that shell up.

someone ate out the insides and just left the crust.

there's nothing like alone to teach you just how well it knows you. how well you know it.

spreading fast through your life like a thick sponge soaking up everything inside you that ever hoped to love.

and when tomorrow comes. if so it must again. it won't see me any differently than all those come before it. but i will look at it and know. alone there at my side. and underneath my skin. i'll look at it and wonder why it always lies. promises changes it can't give.

12-22-04 10:09pm wednesday

could've listened then. was well ready to. but not tonight. not again.

to hear the groaning of sadness as it climaxes. while we go down on her.

cold staircases. leading down. bare feet.

so many years i've tried to live. it's not going to happen.

so many ways i've tried to want this.

i can't.

can't want what i'm not wanted by.

i can't.

can't become what that fetus expected.

i'm sorry. i apologize to my life.

i can't.

can't change what we are.

never meant to be born. to be this person. too small. too new then. to know better.

too used. too old now to matter.

shouldn't have listened so well then. and now they wouldn't expect. and i wouldn't feel like the only purpose i served in their lives is lost.

none of it should've mattered. since i was born dead.

they just keep expecting me to live.

i can't.

i've tried. all these years i've tried to be the person that fetus intended.

i can't.

i can breathe. i can bleed. i can listen.

but that's all i'm capable of.